I Don't Believe in Death
by Demonic-Clover
Summary: Another Sirius dies ficness. A song fic to, with an origional song (by me). Just r+r.


Here we go with my second Sirius Black fic. I got good reviews on my first, so I decided to finally type this one that I wrote a couple weeks ago. It's a song fic, and the song, 'I Refuse to Believe in Death', is an original. The chorus and the 'refuse' parts were all written a while before this, but the rest was either based on the fifth book or other random comics or stories. Just in case you cared… 

Disclaimer: YOU TAKE MY SONG AND YOU DIE! You can ask to use it, without permission though YOU DIE! But I don't own Harry Potter. I'm not making any money from this.

***

I Don't Believe in Death

***

_What is this look_

_Upon your face_

_Horror_

_Touched with_

_Surprise_

_Remains of your laughter_

***

Harry shut the door slowly, walking to the center of the room as it clicked. He let go of the trunk he had been dragging behind him. His face, blank with surprise, turned from his floor to stare out the window.

He had been a lot more cheerful at the train station, with everyone to distract him, but on the way home all he had to think of was Sirius. Sirius… falling…. And he… he…

***

_Come back_

_From beyond space_

_Pain _

_Suffocating_

_And I thought I found you_

***

'How… how could he die?' Harry thought angrily, as he fell on to his bed. His thoughts were angry, but his face was emotionless. 'How… how could he leave me…?'

His fist clenched the sheets, his arms tensing beside him. The rest of The Order, saying they would take care of Harry… filling in the place Sirius had left.

Sirius… had left…

Dead. Sirius was dead.

"Dead… Sirius is dead," Harry said out loud. He could still hear the small part of his mind responding, 'He can't be.'

***

_I die _

_You die_

_He die_

_We all die_

_I lay here bleeding to death_

_Blood_

_Red _

_Despair_

_And pain_

_Take over my mind_

***

Harry sat up. He looked to his door. He had heard the Dursley's leave a while ago, not that he really cared. He looked to Hedwig's cage. She was out hunting. He looked at the parchment on his desk. He had no desire to write to anybody.

If one last time… He could write to Sirius. 

***

_I see_

_Nothing_

_Chained here_

_I only want to reach out_

_And pull you back_

***

He was his father, his friend… The truest he ever had of both. How dare he die like that.

***

_I feel_

_Nothing_

_As my world _

_Shatters, shatters, shatters,_

_Like your face_

***

Harry glared, picking up the ink bottle on his desk and suddenly chucking it at his wall. The glass fell and the ink splattered, staining and dripping down the wall, a couple drops splattering on to his cheek.

He stood there, then walked over and began picking up the glass. His hands got cut, and he stopped and watched the blood run down his hand. It hurt, but not as much as he thought it would.

Couldn't he offer this blood of his, his blood, his life, to bring Sirius back?

***

_I die_

_You die  
He die_

_We all die_

_I lay here bleeding to death_

_Blood_

_Red_

_Despair _

_And Pain_

_Take over my mind_

***

'Sirius… come back…. The memories of you just can't… be thrown away…' Ink on Harry's cheek dripped down, mingling with his tear. He couldn't help it.

He knew he was not the only one who was sad. Most people did not see or believe how good Sirius was. Only a few actually did. Only a couple people were left alive that Sirius had been important to. Him… and Professor Lupin.

Harry's eyes locked on the window, as if expecting to suddenly see Lupin there. Sirius was dead… Lupin was probably sad… all because of him.

***

_I'm standing so lonely here_

_It's like my world's frosted over again_

***

Reamus Lupin leaned back in the large chair, in one of the many rooms of the Black house. When it was just plain instinct to guard Harry, his head was clear, and he was calm. But now, between just him and his mind…

Sirius… was dead… he… he saw him die…

'And I let him die,' Lupin thought, feeling sick. 'I watched him fall past that curtain. I let him die… I could've saved him, but I did nothing. My dear friend, Sirius… how could I…?'

The usual calm Lupin was gone. Instead, this Lupin sat in the chair shaking, his old eyes glossy, and staring in to space. "S-… Sirius…"

So now… He was the last one left… just old, serious Moony…

Lupin chuckled to himself. Sirius wasn't serious. How ironic. He was he exact opposite. He was rowdy and loud and fun and rude and a fool and kind and…he… is dead…

'Just a couple of months ago, Sirius was parading around the house, so happy, bellowing out Christmas carols, so happy…'

Lupin leaned back, a few tear trickling down his face. "Padfoot…"

"Sirius…"

Lupin leaned forward, putting his face in his hands.

"Sirius!"

Reamus shook violently, his fingers grabbing his hair as he muttered Sirius's name under his breath. The man who seemed so much older than he was sobbed, alone.

***

_I refuse, refuse, refuse,_

_To let you abandon me_

_I refuse, refuse, refuse,_

_To stand by and watch you die quietly_

_I refuse, refuse, refuse,_

_To dream it away like it wasn't real_

_I refuse, refuse, refuse,_

_To forget your happiness_

***

Harry hadn't wiped the blood from his hands. There were a couple small splatters on the floor that he had dripped. Harry heard the Dursley's come home, and he supposed he should go to bed.

All meaningless.

He wanted so much… It… was just… so sad…

He wasn't prepared for his death. Wasn't he just mad at him? Wasn't he just annoyed with him? Wasn't he just happy to see him? Wasn't he just worried about him? Wasn't he just singing Christmas carols… Talking to him about his father… so worried he would die… glad he had come… watching him laugh, so energetic and alive, then falling…

He had gone to the ministry to find Sirius. He had been so worried… So worried… He just needed to get to him, get there, without thinking… he couldn't blame Voldemort, it was all his fault, there were so many things different he could've done…

He…

He had killed Sirius.

Harry curled up on the floor, without intending to get up.

***

_I REFUSE REFUSE REFUSE_

_TO BELIEVE YOU'VE LEFT ME_

_I REFUSE REFUSE REFUSE_

_PLEASE ANSWER MY SCREAM_

_I REFUSE REFUSE REFUSE_

_TO BELIEVE YOU'RE GONE BEYOND NOTHING_

_I REFUSE REFUSE REFUSE_

_TO BELIEVE MY TEARS ARE WARMER THAN YOUR BLOOD_

***

Harry lay on his floor still, much, much later. Sleep was drifting in to his senses, but he did not plan to move from his floor, waiting for the nightmares to come.

He lay there drowning in sorrow, feeling as though blood was leaking from him and poisoning the air. Sirius…

He would never come back. Never.

The great black dog will never watch over him again. The foolish, cheerful man will never again have another Christmas to sing… never feel sorrow, loneliness again… never feel joy or… anything…

'If I'm supposed to have magic powerful enough to defeat the great Dark Lord, why couldn't I just stop Sirius from falling that one time…'

Sirius had a strong, comforting scent. Harry closed his eyes and focused on that. He didn't want to forget that smell… or his loopy scribbles… or his encouraging words.

But… he would still miss him… he wondered if he would get up tomorrow… Sirius will never worry about that ever again…

He didn't want to be human. He didn't want this pain anymore.

He wanted to bleed to death…

***

_I refuse, refuse, refuse,_

_To welcome the black without you_

_I refuse, refuse, refuse,_

_To let you go without one more embrace_

***

I wrote this all… IN PEN… I spent all night writing, it's four right now… *sigh* Please R+R, I need to sleep….


End file.
